Toes, The Great Equalizer

Many people are under the mistaken impression that equality comes through civil liberties, economic opportunity, equal justice under the law and other such esoteric claptrap. Really, the true equalizer of all humans is toes. Everybody has one or more jacked up toe. Usually it's the last or "pinky" toe. Usually due to some childhood accident or a recent bowling ball slippage. Rarely have I seen toes that could arguably be called "attractive." I'll bet even Liz Taylor has at least one fucked up toe. If Jessica Alba stripped her feet naked, I seriously doubt she'd go 10 for 10 in any attractive toe survey. Granted, some people have more than average nastiness in the foot department. That homeless person with the swollen ankles in Borders, for instance. George Bush, Mahatma Gandhi, Angelina Jolie, Adolph Hitler, the Mona Lisa (if she had feet)... messed up toes, every last one of 'em. Ben Kenobi got it wrong -- it's not the force that binds us all, it's hammer toes, bunions, fungal growth, wrinkled toenails and the like.